Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Directory Trek Wars - Act II

Well, I'm glad I didn't offend anyone with my previous post on the ongoing Directory debates (at least not that I'm aware of). I told myself I wasn't going to bother doing anything like that again, at least not for a while. Unfortunately, I couldn't help myself. Perhaps I'm not in the mood to talk seriously about Identity stuff this month.

The following is VERY LOOSELY based on reality. I'm not going to add my 2 cents this time because I think enough's been said for now. Although I sort of am if you read between the lines. If you can't figure out which side of the fence I'm on after reading this, read it again. If you're still unsure, accuse me of fence sitting and I'll be more blatant about what I think.

Disclaimers:
  1. Any lines without a reference and link to a fellow blogger are completely made up by yours truly.
  2. I didn't quote anyone. I paraphrased and took a lot more artistic license this time around (possibly too much because in some parts, I'm probably being too cryptic). References to blog entries being paraphrased are posted in brackets after the statement.
  3. Because I have an opinion, I'm probably being too harsh on the side I don't particularly agree with. So please take that into consideration when reading.
  4. I apologise in advance for any offense caused to the people mentioned or anyone reading this.

To set the scene, Act I was Meta-Directory vs. Virtual Directory. This time, it's Active Directory vs. Virtual Directory.

That said, let's see if I successfully piss anyone off this time...

(Cue music)

AD: Hi, I'm an AD.

VD: And I'm a VD.

AD: Tee hee, he's a VD.

VD: No, not that kind of VD. Grow up AD and stop looking at me like that.

AD: Pffft LDAP! I learnt how to speak that in 1st grade. If you want to be on my Gates-lactic level, learn to speak ADSI. I've been on 85% of the voyages on the USS Enterprise to the final frontier. (Jackson Shaw)

VD: But you do things differently from everyone else. I give people free choice and free will. (Clayton Donley) You also start to get cranky when too many people ask you questions. And then you lock people in with your death grip. Who in their right mind would have you as their only friend? (Clayton Donley) People just talk to you because you have the biggest house. But those who don't want to commit leave the party with me. (Nishant Kaushik) By the way, anyone for some CARML? I made it myself with the help of some friends. (Clayton Donley)

AD: Everyone on the Fortune500 council is my friend...well, except for those fools on the Sun. People should be able to choose their friends. In other words, me! And those smart people up at HQ are probably working out how to make me more like you anyway! Going with me is a no brainer. (James McGovern) And what's wrong with being locked in with me? You all drive with Windows don't you? I'm just like all the rest of you directories. Windows just happens to be my bestest buddy! Don't be a playa hater just cuz Windows and me go way back. CARML? Yeah I'd like some of that. It goes well on desserts and stuff. Is that not what you meant?(Jackson Shaw)

Moderator: AD makes a good point. If Windows drives you everywhere, then AD can be a very good friend and you won't need too many of those other pesky friends anymore. (Jeff Bohren)

VD: Seriously AD, do I need to remind you that you choke when you get too many questions? And you really don't like it when people try to change things about you. What's more, you don't give a crap about anything that your buddy Windows doesn't care about and you don't actually use the same type of box as the rest of us to store your stuff, which means if we give you some of our stuff it won't fit. (Tim Paul) AD, you need to face up to the fact that you're one of many. You're not THE ONE. You're just used when people want to get to your best buddy Windows. And since we're talking about your buddy, go ask why he refuses to play nice with the rest of us while all our friends MUST play nice with you? (Nishant Kaushik) By the way, what happens to people who have you as their only friend when their parents get together and then all of a sudden there's a few versions of you wanting to be everyone's only friend? Or worse still, they don't have another version of you but they have all my friends in there that don't like you? (Mark Wilcox)

AD: I'm afraid I have to tell you that I'm everywhere. You know when you go to the doctor? I'm there too. I also have trainers that do a much better job of teaching people how to play nice with me. You and your friends just release books and tell people to go read them. Did I mention I'm cheaper to feed by the way? (James McGovern)

VD: That's because you eat fast food. Which means you get fat and bloated and can't move around.

Moderator: I would ask you both to stop being tools and just agree to disagree, but that's exactly what you both are. Tools! (Matt Pollicove) Not only that. Most people just talk to AD to ask if they can talk to his buddy Windows! We should also keep in mind that most people only care about their accounts. They don't bother with this identity stuff. Why? Because it's expensive and the high commander just wants to stay out of prison at the lowest cost. Oh, can I get you to comment on your buddy Oracle's arch enemy SAP's commendable actions of late in Identityland? (Jeff Bohren)

VD: Interesting you should mention my buddy Oracle. He sends his apologies that he can't be here right now because he's sailing around on his galactic yacht. He was asking me the other day why people don't just standardise on him. He knows a lot about them anyway. They tell him all their secrets, forget them and then ask him what they said. All they ever tell AD is their name and their email address. Did I mention I'm good friends with people of all ages? Even those old geezers with walking sticks that sit in the park playing chess all day with Garry Kasparov. AD is only good friends with people from the Gates-lactic Universe. As for why I'm hanging around, it's because I'm needed. One day when I'm not, I'll get on "The Bus" and be on my way. My buddy Oracle also wants to remind you that your good friends Gartner and Forrester are his bestest buddies at the moment and they don't like SAP. Anyone care for dessert? My CARML has been cooking and is mmm mmm good! You know you want it. (Clayton Donley)

AD: Been meaning to ask you this VD. Are you actually just a proxy for all your friends? (James McGovern)

7 comments:

Jackson Shaw said...

Hilarious!

Clayton didn't pick up my "joke" about Gartner and CARML. James McGovern takes a number of jabs at analysts and Gartner and vendors wanting to impress them - I was playing up on that.

Awesome post, Ian.


...Jackson

Matt Flynn said...

Now, you've managed to offend at least one. I feel like an actor who wasn't invited back for the sequel ;)

Actually, I think if we were all in a room, there'd probably be a lot of agreement. Many of the comments seem to come from a particular perspective and if we exposed that perspective, we'd likely be in agreement.

e.g.) Some have said that AD is usually not an identity store, but that assumes a certain definition of what an identity store is. It's certainly an identity store in that it stores identity information. I agree that it's not commonly used as the centralized and consolidated enterprise IdM repository (when one is required). But that's not really the scenario I've been talking about.

Anyway, thanks Ian for the additional entertainment.

Matt Pollicove said...

Ian, you bring just the right viewpoint to this. As Matt F said in his comment, we'd all have a good discussion about all of this and would probably come up with a general consensus and probably even an excellent model for the uses of directories, metadirectories and virtual directories that even Gartner would approve of! :)

All we'd need is a soundproofed room, a bit of booze and lots of whiteboards.

Clayton Donley said...

Matt F, I think they must have cut out the scene at the end of act I where you were impaled by a light sabre. Clearly you'll be back as a "ghost" in episode III...like Yoda.

I read this on my phone last night and started laughing. Tried to explain why to my wife and I think it just validated her opinion that I'm nuts.

I'm definitely looking forward to Digital ID World this year. Expect to see a few of you and will need to buy a few drinks after all this. :-)

Ian Yip said...

Thanks all. I certainly didn't expect a reaction because I didn't make fun of someone.

All I can say is, Matt F my production people tell me they tried to get you but your stock went sky high after Act I thanks to your award winning performance and we couldn't afford to have you in the sequel...so we replaced you :-)

Now let's get those whiteboards out. And who's buying the booze? Oh hang on, I'm on the wrong frigging Continent. Web meeting anyone?

James McGovern said...

Maybe all of us could do a skit on analyst coverage of this space?

Ian Yip said...

James, now there's an idea!